Props To You - Script

CHARLES is frozen on stage right and FRANNY on frozen on stage left. An announcer stands at downstage center, ready to address the audience.

Dear viewers, what you are about to watch is a classical, and dramatic one act, and not a silly sketch. We do apologies however as all of the props for our one act have been viciously destroyed through misuse. Fortunately, have now replaced all the props with volunteer actors.

PROP 1, PROP 2, etc. Walk onto stage.

Please enjoy the show.

ANNOUNCER exits stage.

Franny, what are you doing here.

The lawyer gave me this document.

PROP 2 quickly goes up to FANNY and uses their hand as the document.

It states that I get exactly half of our belongings in the divorce.

FRANNY hands PROP 2's hand to CHARLES

Let me get my reading glasses

PROP 1 runs up to CHARLES to offer up his hands to be glasses. CHARLES grunts as he reads the "document" and puts his "glasses" away and hands the "document" back to FRANNY. FRANNY puts the document into her pocket.

Very well, but before you take anything, I would like to keep the carpet.

CHARLES points to the floor and PROP 4 rushes in and lays down where he was pointing. Charles slowly walks onto the "carpet" and really steps on it.

It is by far the most comfortable carpet I've ever stood on.

Alright, then I'd like this portrait of Cornealius.

PROP 1 runs over to we’re the wall is to pose as if they’re the painting.

You mean… the portrait of my Great Uncle Cornelius?

FRANNY steps onto the “carpet” trying to stare down on CHARLES

(Passive aggressive)

Well, I just think that the painting looks stunning. Don't you Charles?

(CHARLES and FRANNY stare at the painting)

(Annoyed and vengeful)

Well, in that case, I will be taking your favorite ivory chair.

PROP 1, PROP 2, and PROP 3, go to become the chair. PROP 4 starts to get up.

PROP 4 stays down sadly, and CHARLES sits in the chair, his legs on the PROP 4.

I'm sure you won't mind, would you Franny?

No not at all Charles. Because that mean I get the wheel barrel full of gold!

PROP 1 runs over to be the wheel barrel, FRANNY holding then by the legs. CHARLES stands up and gasps/cowls.

Well, I don't mind because I get your favorite carousel!

FRANNY scowls as PROP 3, PROP 2, and PROP 4 go to stage left behind FRANNY and start to form the carousel by going into a circle and posing like a majestic horse (still standing up)

(trying to bother FRANNY)

In fact, I think it might take it on a joy ride.

CHARLES piggybacks PROP 3 (they suffer greatly and go slower than the other two) and they start going in a circle. Some try to hum/sing a little tune like there are on a carousel.

I just love this carousel! And my carpet.

PROP 4 groans and goes back to being a carpet.

Well, I'm taking my wheel barrel of gold and taking it to the marble statue!

FRANNY walks her "wheel barrel" over the "carpet" and walks to stage right. PROP 2 sprints over to be the statue.

CHARLES gets off of PROP 3, and they start panting, clearly needing rest. PROP 4 goes to get up to be the statue.

The one that compliments my carpet!?

PROP 4 groans loudly and goes back to being a carpet.

PROP 2 runs to FRANNY

Well I get the glass mirror!

PROP 2 runs over to CHARLES (accidently stepping on PROP 4)

Well I get the pool table!

PROP 2 tries to run to FRANNY but CHARLES interrupts

PROP 2 keeps trying to reach, but doesn't reach FRANNY and CHARLIE until he trips on PROP 4 and falls.

UGH! I'm so sick of you! I'm taking my wheel barrel of gold and leaving!

FRANNY tries pushing PROP 1, but they collapse out of exhaustion. She tries to get them to get up again, and resorts to dragging them across the floor to the exit.

All the props groan very loudly.

You forgot your favorite flower.

PROP 4 pops off the ground

HAHA! This is my time!

PROP 4 offers his "arm flower" to CHARLES, who then kneels down romantically, leaving PROP 4 in an uncomfortable lunge position.

Ohhh this was a mistake.

I should've stayed the rug!

I wish we didn't fight, and I wished that our jobs didn't get in the way of our love.

PROP 4 starts breathing sharply to deal with the pain.

Just take the flower already!

CHARLES and PROP 4 slowly stand up, CHARLES gives her the "arm flower", FRANNY takes it and sniffs the hand as if it was a flower and let's go of PROP 4.

PROP 4 wipes his sniffed hand in the background.

All of the PROPS get together, comforting and panting in relief, as the announcer enters the stage.